MY son wasn’t invited to the party

Oh my god I cannot believe it! MY son is not invited to the birthday party!!!! I just found out that his classmate is having a birthday party and her mom has the audacity NOT to invite my son!!! What is she thinking?

birthday cake

Now, don’t ask me how I found out she’s having a birthday party. It’s not as if she handed out invitations to all the kids in front of us. It’s not as if she did a Facebook invitation for all to see. No, I just over heard two moms whispering about it. OK, fine I didn’t overhear them, I was snooping. I saw them whispering in the corner and I really wanted to know what they were saying. So I pretended to go through my son’s backpack just to get close enough to hear them. Actually, it really wasn’t MY son’s backpack, but what difference does it make how I heard them? The important thing is that there is a birthday party coming up and MY son is not invited. My cute, adorable, sweet little second grader is not included. OK fine, most of the grade is not included and it seems like it is a small party with only a handful of kids. But why MY kid?

You know what, I am going to go up to that mom and give her a piece of my mind. Doesn’t she think this will hurt MY child’s feelings? What if he finds out about it? What if he asks me why he’s not invited? What if they do something really cool and MY kid misses out? What if the goodie bag is awesome and we don’t get one? This is not right!! As the mama bear of my family, I am going to march right over to her and let her have it. In fact, I think I am going to have a conversation with the school principal about it too. They should really implement a policy REQUIRING parents to invite all the kids to all the birthdays. And there should even be a committee of parents that monitor this and reviews infractions. What kind of world are we raising our children in if we let them think that they can leave people out? This is not fair, and children need to learn from a young age that they must include everyone in everything! In fact, I think it’s tantamount to bullying. Just you watch lady, I am going to have a birthday party bigger and better than yours and I am going to leave your kid out too!!! Tit for tat.

But come to think of it, we are not even available that weekend. We’ve got a soccer game; a family brunch and we are supposed to meet some friends for dinner with the kids. Plus, we go to enough birthday parties as it is; so this will be one less gift I have to buy. Maybe it’s not SO important for my child to be invited to EVERY party. I guess I can’t monitor everything that goes on for the rest of his life. At some point I am going to have to back off and let his social life take its own course.

But what do I say to him if he finds out about it? He is going to be so disappointed. How do I help him through this disappointment? I suppose getting him through this setback is more important than fighting every battle for him. At some point, he is going to realize the world does not revolve around him, and that these types of letdowns are a part of life. I don’t even know if he really likes this kid. So I have a decision to make…I can either be that crazy mom that pushes her child into every situation, or I can stand back and let life take its course.

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  1. Ha-ha! Isn’t that the reaction process we all go through? Good thing to get through that process before you react instead of bursting out without reflection on what’s really best for everyone. And, if kids don’t experience failure, disappointment, and rejection when they are little, then they feel it more acutely when they are older with more complicated emotions. I think it’s much easier to face those things as a teenager when they have had some practice as a kid. When they are little they recover faster.

    • Molly, you are really spot on with your comment. If we help our children learn to deal with these difficult emotions when they are younger, they will be more capable of handling them later on in life. Children are resilient, often more resilient than we are. And they gauge our reactions and respond accordingly.
      Thanks for your meaningful comments!

  2. I loved the realness of this story. We can all relate to it.

  3. Great article. I loved it. I should forward to the moms at my school.

  4. Nice!!!! Just what everyone is thinking!

  5. You’ve touched upon a very sore subject. This goes beyond being left out. A bigger issue is that these same moms are going to be behind their kids as they form the clicks: the populars, the almost popular, the not so unpopular, the nerds, the geeks, the freaks and the UNPOPULAR. And, let’s not forget the whites and the non-whites (not African Americans, just non-whites).

    If I were you, I would be ecstatic that your child is being omitted from the process of being selected because that would indicate that you a real person, which I know you are.

    Life offers the opportunity for a child to see a plethora of various backgrounds and cultures and your son will chose his own path.


    • Ellie, what a profound comment. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and ideas. This is really more of an anecdotal story meant to make people think and rethink how they handle these situations. And if we really dig deeper, we realize that it is quite emotionally charged. Our natural instincts may tell us one thing, but sometimes we just need to take a moment before we act. If we back off a bit when they are young, we may just be able to allow them to navigate the world without our biases interfering with their actions. Thank you for reading and sharing.

  6. I totally agree: our children need freedom to make their own choices… .
    Keep on writing!!

  7. Love it!! Your amazing!


  8. Great read!


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